If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 15 years, it’s that we too often look for the cause within ourselves. This is hardly surprising in our society, where individualism ensures that we really only care about ourselves. Yet a little more community spirit would also help us remember more and more that we are not alone. And this realization could lead us to understand that not everything we perceive or feel, or even how we experience the world, is entirely our own. Rather, we are influenced by those around us and those who came before us. Because we are always part of a community—those who surround us and those from whom we originated.
WE ARE NOT AN ISOLATED ISLAND.
WE ARE PART OF SOMETHING BIGGER—A COMMUNITY.
So when we ask ourselves whether the trauma is really ours—which, in my opinion, we do far too rarely. Because, to put it bluntly, how could it not be about us? If we would do it then we would realize that this is not always the case. And we would recognize that the trauma or traumatic experience whose consequences we perceive is not actually ours in origin. Which, incidentally, makes dealing with the issue immensely easier.
Let’s start from the beginning: if we recognize that we are part of a lineage, then it is quite logical that the people before us have not only passed on their outward appearance to us, but that we have also inherited elements of their inner experience. On the one hand, this means elements such as resilience and perseverance. On the other hand, it means sensitivity to certain stressors and traumatic experiences. What happens then is that we tend to simply accept what we perceive as positive and do not ask ourselves where it actually comes from. When in doubt, we praise ourselves for it.
WE PRAISE OURSELVES FOR THE POSITIVE THINGS. WE BEAT OURSELVES UP FOR THE NEGATIVE THINGS. BUT IF NEITHER HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH US, THEN WHAT?
But the same thing often happens with emotions that are perceived as blocking or restrictive and the behaviors associated with them. We relate these to ourselves instead of recognizing that they have been passed on to us. And that we actually need to look elsewhere for the origin and thus also for the neutralization of the condition. I use the term neutralization here because it is about being able to deal neutrally with the situation that triggers the stress or traumatized behavior. This means that it no longer has power over us in the here and now, and we are free from the influence of what previously restricted us.
But how do we know if a trauma is ours? Essentially, we can say that: we cannot find its origin in our lives. The behavior or reaction to certain circumstances cannot be traced back to our current life. An impressive example is a little boy whose parents leave him home alone in the evening and go to the neighbors. That very evening, sirens sound. The boy wakes up and instinctively runs to the nearest bridge to hide underneath it. Normally, he would run to the neighbors to look for his parents, but he seeks shelter under the bridge. This is because he is reliving his mother’s war trauma, who hid under bridges from bombs as a child.
WHEN AN UNKNOWN INSTINCT IST TAKING OVER – WE ARE IN THE SPACE OF INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA.
So there is no original experience in the little boy’s life, because the origin lies in his mother’s life. So when we exhibit behaviors or reactions that make no sense to us or cannot be traced back to anything concrete in the here and now, these are clear indications of ancestral trauma or intergenerational trauma. And we can only deal with this if we start looking outside ourselves.
This is where ancestral work comes in. We recognize that we are part of a lineage that has also given us emotions and reactions. And together we look for the origin of these emotions and reactions in order to neutralize them. Because only when we find the right origin can we really change something in the long term. Otherwise, there is a high probability that we will end up in the same loop over and over again.
So if the trauma is not yours, don’t make it your own, but broaden your perspective and thus also the chances of redeeming it once and for all.
If you want to know more, you can use the Echo-Finder to find out the origin of your current issue.
In Sisterhood.
